Demisexuality has become the latest talking point after UK singer and television personality Tulisa Contostavlos opened up about her experience. The 37-year-old singer revealed that she has been following celibacy for the last three years and the thought of dating someone or sleeping with someone she doesn’t have a connection with makes her ‘physically sick’
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A lesser-known sexuality has come to the spotlight after UK singer and television personality Tulisa Contostavlos opened up about being a “demisexual”.
During a frank discussion about her personal life on a reality show, Tulisa, a former ‘X Factor’ judge shared that she has abstained from sexual activity for more than three years and is currently a celibate.
The 37-year-old singer revealed that she has been avoiding dating apps, saying “Even though I’ve been on there, I’ve never gone on an actual date with anyone on there. I’m proper guarded.”
So, what exactly does it mean to be demisexual? Let’s take a closer look.
Tulisa’s revelation
Tulisa Contostavlos, the N-Dubz star, is among ten celebrities competing in the ITV series ‘I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here’, where contestants live together in a jungle setting.
During a conversation with fellow campmates about relationships, Tulisa opened up about her celibacy and what it is like to be in her new sexuality.
“I feel like I’m demisexual, I need to have a really close emotional bond with someone…I need actual depth. I’m a slow, slow burner,” said Tulisa adding that she is “not an overly sexualised person”.
The 36-year-old Londoner revealed she has a profile on the exclusive dating app Raya, but the thought of dating someone or sleeping with someone she doesn’t have a connection with “genuinely makes me feel physically sick”.
“This is my temple, you cannot enter!” she joked.
Discussing her love life further, the ‘Sight of You’ singer shared, “I actually do enjoy being single, I enjoy being on my own.”
What is demisexuality?
According to The Independent, demisexuality is a sexual orientation where individuals require a strong emotional connection to feel sexual attraction.
It falls within the broader asexuality spectrum, where sexual attraction happens less frequently or only under specific conditions, such as the presence of deep emotional intimacy.
The term “demisexual” was introduced in 2006 by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) to describe a middle ground between asexuality and more typical experiences of sexual attraction. It highlights the vital role of emotional intimacy as a precursor to physical attraction.
Relationship and dating coach Kate Mansfield explained to Metro that while demisexuals take their time to form bonds, it doesn’t mean they are opposed to physical affection.
“Demisexual people generally enjoy cuddling, hugging, and having sex most when they are also romantically interested in someone,” she said.
The time required to form an emotional connection varies significantly among demisexuals. For some, a bond may develop quickly, while for others, it can take years.
While it’s unclear how many people identify as demisexual globally, the 2021 British census reported that just 0.06 per cent of the UK population identifies as asexual.
Kate Mansfield emphasised that demisexuality can be a foundation for strong, healthy relationships.
“Being ‘demisexual’ to me is just another way of creating a healthy relationship, one that encompasses a good balance of emotional and sexual or physical compatibility,” she explained, adding, “It is definitely something that we can and should all try to cultivate.”
With input from agencies